First, you have to come up with a corruption scheme, which would let you reserve a table.

No one answers the phone, email would just say:

“Wait! It’s busy.”

Afterwards, you shouldn’t eat the entire day, entire day! Put all the unnecessary stuff out from your pockets (the night runs the risk of being long), have a nice and ice-cold glass of champagne and off you go.

There’s a radiant Rolls-Royce floating out of the dark, dirty, narrow alley – that’s where you’re going.

The restaurant is a transparent mansion with some fancy fountains and sparkling people on both floors. They all shine in the Maryino/Butovo like darkness.

You come in and graciously sit down. You look around.

There’s a menu in front of you: a set of dozens emoji. “Ok,” you say to yourself, “Right, some narcissistic crap about the fresh beginning will start.”

But then you see your sommelier from Bratislava (do trust him!). Then you have your first explosive dish, then Gaggan himself approaches and he talks as if you’re still watching the movie:

“I was born in India, in Northern India!”

And then it’s gay manager’s turn. He wears a mask with rhinestones.  He sits down on your knees and pours you some breathtaking wine right from the decanter. And suddenly it turns out that the «respectable people» at the next table; whom with you were arguing about Putin, are some Australian barons and producers of this very wine you are drinking, hello! …

Everything is gaining momentum, the bombs are falling one after another at your plate, and they all are equal.

“More champagne?” Of course! Everybody’s outside, with glasses and cigarettes, sitting on the parapet, dressed in evening gowns that have trains that sweep the floor.  Then back inside.

“Does anybody wants more crab curry?”

“Everybody! And more champagne, please!”

The last blast of taste explosives, which are stunning, hit strongly your mouth, right in your palate, and so there you are happy and dead drunk and suddenly find yourself…

… at the entrance of the restaurant, brazenly inscribing yourself into the book, right between the lines, behind your back you hear a chef’s voice:

“Guys, what’s up!? Ah, come on! OK, sure! You can come… at 21:30, OK?”

It’s worth flying to Thai just because of this place. This can be your only destination.

UPD Sep’17: Oh well, it’s 8 months since and it is still the #1 restaurant in Asia and #7 in the world and the place worth flying to Bangkok for. No other reason needed.

A list of a few “the best” dishes (to my taste) out of 25 nano-courses from the updated menu:

Simulations of oysters made of watermelon,

Chuttoro sushi on sweet meringue,

Carrot caramel, foie gras, and yuzu,

Complicated composition of raw scallops,

Shrimp head (to be eaten entirely, with eyes) and sea urchin caviar.

PS: Oh dear… All of 25 courses are excellent, these are just the most fucking awesome ones.